Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Nu Blood Angels Part 1: Vampires Are Awesome Again

Gah!  I've been stuck on the composition series for over two weeks now and I've rewritten the damn thing around threeve times at this point.  I know what I want to say, I just can't inject any passion in it.  Blindfolds, scented oils, feathers, tazers... no matter what I try it just lies there like a piece of bib lettuce.

After some sagely advice from Dethtron, I've decided to stop bashing my head into the damn thing and produce some content.

Lets talk about something else... something new... something groundbreaking and fresh...  I know!


Shit.  That's not any of the things I mentioned.  Its been out for like 2 weeks and people have been going apeshit over the little red guys since before the book even came out.  However, using the blink tag is pretty great.  Its like I'm actively trying to punish you for reading my blog.  Haha, fuck your eyes!*

I think the joke needs to be explained to IE users:  the red text is blinking.

Back to the blinking, red topic.  The general consensus is that the codex is FREAKING AWESOME!  I've seen way more creamed jeans over the new Blood Angels than the Space Wolves ever had.  Tons and tons of blog posts and community reactions - almost all of it positive.  Of course, I could just be projecting my own pumped-up-itudeness.  I mean, I'M pretty pumped about the new codex.  But I just have this sense that the Blood Angels have really managed to grab people's excitement in a larger way.  I dunno if its the fact that they've never had what I consider a real** codex until now or the fact that they had received part of the same face-raping that the Dark Angels got in 4th edition or even if its something about the color red.  And that's not even getting into the rules and the writing or even the general popularity the Blood Angels in the past.  In any case, I think the enthusiasm is a bit high.  However, I am totes fine with that.

A Note On Vampires
I would be remiss in my duties as a totally unbiased and rational blogger if I didn't talk about the vampire subtext of the Blood Angels.  I'm just gonna come right out and say that it's awesome.  Not because it's well written or clever or a tragic flaw blah blah blah but because it means that there are some actually cool vampires out there.

When I was a lad, I was growing up during the wussification of the vampire myth.  Due to the efforts of Ann Rice's Vampire Chronicles, White Wolf games and the goth subculture, vampires went from scary, monstrous horrors to whiny, ennui-laden poseurs who spent all their time bitching about the curse of undeath and doing their best to be twats.  Goddamn 1990's.  Oh sure, there were some attempts to make vampires cool or scary, but even then the idea of vampires as sex-obsessed, 'complicated' super-douche hipsters always bleeds through. 

As awful as Vampire: the Masquerade was for the idea of the vampires, things have gotten even worse now that Stephanie Meyer managed to crap out the Twilight series.  Vampires just aren't interesting or even scary anymore.  Then along came the new Blood Angels codex.  I know the red-thirst/black-rage motif isn't a new thing with them, but it's much needed right now.  Vampires are back to being bad-ass killing machines again - at least in a small way.  These new vampires have all kinds of sweet equipment, they drive tanks and, most importantly, they kill people again.  Maybe that's why people are pumped about Blood Angels.

Though they're still a bit too pretty.

------[Foot Notes]----------------------------------------------------
*This eye raping brought to you courtesy of GeoCities, the 90's and Bad Web Design(tm).
**Angels of Death (2e) was a split with the Dark Angels, the 3e book was one of the standard 8 page abortions of the era and the 4e codex was printed in two editions of WD.


  1. -1 internet for failing to link the word "goth" to a video of peter murphy wiggling around to "bela lugosi's dead" in the opening credits of "the hunger."

    I would like to offer a few 90s vampires that were not weaksauce-
    Vampire hunter D
    Cassidy from Preacher
    Gary Oldman
    Paul Reubens

    you also forgot to mention eddie murphy and leslie nielson as worst 90s vampires of all time :)

    also word verification this time is "eptot"- disney's failed park themed to teach 2-5 year olds about how robots will be our butlers in 1997.

  2. Blinking red text ftw!

    It doesn't blink in Chrome, btw.

    Honestly, with all the love the BAngels are getting all over the net, around my local shop they were met with a sigh and a "meh." I personally can't stand them, and never could (I've known too many BAngels played who really loved to just be enormous douches). However, their codex is pretty cool.

    Also, although I agree with you on the whole Twilight thing, I have to point something out. Making vampires look like metrosexuals in all media forms in the 90s would have been an excellent way to distract people from real, scary looking vampires. So, if vampires exist, they're coming for you, since you want to blow their cover and whatnot. ;)

  3. @Dethtron - its not so much a failure to link as it is a public service.

    I also wanted to vent my hatred of Lost boys. However, despite the whole Keefer Sutherland hanging out with underage boys and the bejeweled 40 oz liquor bottle, the movie didn't wussify vampires too much. It was just an awful movie.

    @Kennedy - I don't know what I hate more: the fact that vampires have become metrosexual or the fact that your logic is sound.

  4. LMAO. I <3 this blog.

    But I also <3'd Buffy. It was awesomesauce.

  5. I hated the blood angels up until this codex.

    Something about 3rd edition rhino rushing turn one CC loyalist khorne
    berserkers bugged the crap outta me.

    That this 'dex has mulriple options for builds is awesome imo, I'd do a flesh tearers jumpy army myself if i had the $$.

    I guess it's just the bright red armor that still bugs me.